bad at taking social cues

I have a few jokes in my stand-up routine that I’ve been working on where I talk about how bad I am at taking social cues. Especially as it relates to whether or not women are into me. I’m not good at picking up the subtle, or even not-so subtle hints.

Like when I found out my now GF really wanted me. We were at a bar in Lakewood and on the menu next to her someone wrote the words “Penis Touch”. She mentioned a few humorous things about how she hadn’t played penis touch in a while, and we pretty much went back and forth for an hour and a half making sexual innuendos and making each other laugh so hard over them that we nearly missed the band we were there to see in the first place (which was the band NOTHING by the way, and they were fuckin’ awesome).

After the show…well, you know the rest. Backseat Malibu Lovin’. I’m pretty sure there’s an old saying that goes something like, “If the Chevy Malibu is rockin’, Dave’s about to cum”  er. wait that doesn’t rhyme.

savealayna:

When you get new weed and it’s hella bomb.

(via 90s90s90s)

80s-90s-stuff:

80s UZI catalogue/magazine cover, 1983

80s-90s-stuff:

80s UZI catalogue/magazine cover, 1983

(via guardedcrayons)


deedee this some nasty ass coffee i hate u so much but the pussy game ridiculous

deedee this some nasty ass coffee i hate u so much but the pussy game ridiculous

(via 90s90s90s)

(via tychrondo)

*calls store*

Me: Yeah, do you have an ac adaptor for a gameboy micro?

them: FUK U GET OUT LOL!!!

(via 90s90s90s)

rural-township:

new set! this is erica’s place, called that because the only thing known about it is that a teenage girl named erica lived there. this house is very bizarre because it seems like almost everything was left behind and this house was never formally sold, so what happened to the family?

(via previouslylovedplaces)

lil mama brought some records over and we did fun things. I got her something she loved so much her reaction was so worth it!

i had never listened to any of the groups, but they were awesome.